A lot of thoughts were running inside my head on our way to school. It is true, we mostly regret the things that we didn't do. I have made really stupid decisions over the past few years, but thankfully, I feel like I am now headed in the right direction. But the sad part is that due to my stupid decisions back then, I wasnt able to make the most out of what I had and wasnt able to commit myself fully in the things I loved. I guess, there's truly a reason why I reached this point. I am sure as hell not aware of what could happen next but I just gotta hope for the best. I have set my priorities straight. Its nice to know that one knows which road he/she is taking. That one is aware of the consequences of his actions. I have decided to be I more dedicated in what I am doing. To love everything that I have and to make sure that I achieve my goals. :)
waited in vain since 11:06 PM
Its been 2 months since I last wrote something that's worth it. Anyway, went to school today to enroll for the 2nd sem. Oh Gawd. Our schedule is baadd. Got classes up to 6. :( And if that doesn't make things seem bad, knowing that some of my blockmates would be moved to another block because a lot of students transferred to our block undeniably make things worse. GREAT. But we dont have classes on Monday! :) GROOL. Anyway, Im now planning to update my blog more often, this is my way of letting it all out. :) Gotta blast!
XOXO,
♥ Visayas
waited in vain since 10:30 PM
live it up
drink it down
party hard
&& no matter what,
never be caught wearing a frownAnd no one said it was going to be easy
But that doesn't mean I'm gonna give up.
I'm putting more faith in you
than I can afford to lose.
Don't let me down
I just came to a realization that life is truly what we make it. :) We are always in control. No other person can tell us what makes us happy and no other person can live our life for us. Its unfair for me to stop trusting others just because someone has betrayed me. To stop loving just because my heart was broken. To stop living just because I cant find a purpose. I should love and trust everyone, they can either return the favor or not, they'll be the one's responsible for it. :) I guess everyone should stop pretending to be someone they're not. They should stop destroying others just for their sake. I have seen a lot of shattered lives, destoyed reputations and unlived lives just because someone was pulling them down. I say: Stop destroying the lives of others just because yours doesnt have a purpose. Life's a blast to those who dare to live it. :) And accdg to our class rep, Life is always filled with commas, never periods. :) You can still change for the better, and that would prolly be the best thing to do. :)
On the other hand, I am goung through something confusing right now. :) T'was such a great dream. Aww, lovelove. :)
waited in vain since 12:39 PM
This time its for real. :)
Reminiscing about the past as I lay myself to sleep, you were prolly one of the BEST things that happened to me. Too bad it was all justa part of the past I ought to forget, all i have now are what if's and if only's, you never knew how I felt, its always to silly to tell youeverything, knowing that your there and im here, kills me. If I had one year to repeat, it would prolly be the year I met you, Up to now, youmove me to do things, Unconsciously, You bring out the best in me, We have to now focus on our future. We would then eventually meetothers, they might bring joy and the might make my heart beat at one point, but I swear there's only going to be one person who i will foreverhope for, 1 person who I would forever wait for and I would give up everything for. If destiny permits, I would love to be with you again. Its a newphase for me now. Its better for me to keep my distance and stay on the safe side. Its for the best, underneath the guise of a smile, is a person dying inside,I have a life to live, it may not be the same without you, but I'll try to make it work."Just remember the good times we had before" :)
Im still inlove with you boy. :)
waited in vain since 4:50 PM
Looking back.
Its amazing how other people can influence us or even change us for the better. I was watching a teen show in nickeleodeon where they were tackling everything there is to know about love and life. A lot has happened to me since my last update, I have fallen inlove, got hurt, fallen out of love and has learned to let go. Certain events has opened me up to reality. I guess we all have our own share of regrets, I am hurting right now, because ,happiness was within my reach, but I was such a fool, I wasnt brave enough to tell him how I reall feel. I dont wanna go on with regrets and all my what if's and all the if only's. But there's always a bright side i everything, his school is only a stone's throw away from mine and if destiny permits, what are the chances that i'd bump into
him anytime soon? :)
Anyway, college life has been really great! Ive met a lot of great people and for once I was finally sure on the road im heading. :) College is a break from it all, its the last stop before I hit the real world. I only have (hopefully) 4 years left! With time flying like this, I have learned to live each day as if it was my last, because I know one day, it will be. I am psyched out about everything! LOL. I have learned that there are no keys to happiness, there are no formulas for success, all you have to do is give your best to everything and believe in chances, take oppurtunities and risks. All those who found happiness are those who love and are not afraid to get hurt and tose who find love are those who take that great leap of faith! :)
There are 2 thoughts that always occupies my mind:Himand that summer we had. <3 Know what I miss most about that summer?
You
waited in vain since 10:23 PM
i'd really like to see you there
i can't pretend like i don't care
because i really do
please just kill the drama.
go to sleep, we'll talk tomorrow
dream about me, and don't worry
we'll be fine
Unfortunately, fate had a different plan for us. And that wasnt how our night ended. Its over. :) Things between us are over. Looking back, He shouldnt have called. I shouldnt have answered the phone. I shouldnt have brought the topic up. But then, it all happened. An outburst of emotions. Trapped inside. I dont know what happened next. It was all my fault. I was pushing him to his limits. It was maybe because I wanted that to happen. I knew that I wanted to say goodbye but when we called it quits, it gave me a different feeling. A part of me wants to hold on and tell him that what I said were lies, a part if me wanted to let go and never look back. My pride took over and well, I did what I thought was right. Letting go means more than just loving more and fearing less, it was also about taking risks and having something left for yourself. This is a bad case of puppy love gone wrong. The karma I get for breaking-up with someone through a post-it.
she sits in the corner
singing herself to sleep
wrapped around in promises
that no one seems to keep
&& after all this time..
my heart still breaks
every time i hear your name.
not because i love you.
but because of all the things
we left unfinished and unsaid.
waited in vain since 12:16 PM
Okay. My emotional side is now taking over. Let her talk:
I have been bottling my thoughts for the longest time now. Its about time I let it all out, not unless I allow my bitterness and pride take over me. I am now full of regrets. I swear. My body is filled with regrets, hate, paranoia and insecurity. :( I have done a lot of things that ruined who I am, that made me mature faster, things that changed my whole outlook in life and changed the way people see me. I know that I shouldnt care about them or what they have to say but facing the truth hurts 10 times. Specially when youre oblivious to it. I loved myself. I was contented to what I had. I wasnt drinking and I forgot all about my smoking habits. I dont know what happened but in a days time, i was doing both very frequently.
waited in vain since 10:14 AM
Okay. My emotional side is now taking over. Let her talk:
I have been bottling my thoughts for the longest time now. Its about time I let it all out, not unless I allow my bitterness and pride take over me. I am now full of regrets. I swear. My body is filled with regrets, hate, paranoia and insecurity. :( I have done a lot of things that ruined who I am, that made me mature faster, things that changed my whole outlook in life and changed the way people see me. I know that I shouldnt care about them or what they have to say but facing the truth hurts 10 times. Specially when youre oblivious to it. I loved myself. I was contented to what I had. I wasnt drinking and I forgot all about my smoking habits. I dont know what happened but in a days time, i was doing both very frequently.
waited in vain since 10:14 AM
